In the short span of time since the recent publication of A Happy Marriage, by Rafael Yglesias, the book has garnered much praise. The book is compelling on so many levels, shining and poignant. The novel is based on Yglesias’ life and marriage to his wife, named Margaret, who died in 2004.
Yglesias is a master story teller, and A Happy Marriage is an illuminating example of a relationship and marriage, in all of its facets. We are privy to an intimate look at the relationship between Enrique Sabas and his wife Margaret. Like diamonds in the rough, we watch their love develop, as Yglesias takes us on a journey spanning 30+ years. He alternates chapters through time and place, past to present, and it works magnificently in this extremely well-developed novel. It is an emotional page-turner.
From the beginnings of love, to the current day, the alternating format leads us to the blending of a marriage that includes all the flaws, turmoils, disruptions, disagreements, disappointments, etc., that most marriages (and relationships) contain. When Enrique and Margaret first meet, he is a young man of 21, an established writer, who has just come out of a live-in relationship of over three years. At first meeting, he basically falls for Margaret. Margaret, on the other hand, doesn’t appear to be as intrigued by him, initially. Suffice it to say that they eventually marry, have two children, seek therapy to try to revive what seems to be a stagnancy in their marriage, find themselves madly in love once again, and find themselves on the threshold of death. Margaret develops cancer, incurable cancer. This is where the true test of love and strength begins.
I don’t want to give away too much of the story line, so I am going to be brief about it, as it is a book you need to read for yourself to grasp the depth of the story, the depth and vividness of the word imagery. Yglesias takes the reader beyond intimacy, beyond the dynamics of love, and beyond anything we can imagine. His ability to demonstrate and portray the minute-by-minute, hourly and daily struggles that a care taker is involved in, and endures, is incredible. We envision it all, every last hospital scene, and every home/hospice bed change, IV, feeding, change of clothes, bathing, etc., He describes scenes and moments that tear your heart apart, but depicts them so dramatically, so realistically, and with such force that the reader feels as if they are a part of the scenario, right there in the hospital room, or at home in their bedroom, watching him care for her.
Enrique’s act of taking care and control of her medical necessities, in order to keep her comfortable is not only intense and filled with all the examples of what one would want in their care taker, but filled with the extreme emotional turmoil that he goes through. Yglesias is not one to shun emotions or let them fester in his writing. The extreme feelings that Enrique has are displayed in great detail, and nothing is sugar-coated. We see his need to protect and comfort Margaret, see his concern over her life which is ending, see his concern for his sons, and also see how unstrung he is inside himself with grief over the impending loss. His thoughts are prevalent, pronounced, filled with apprehension, often on the verge of collapse. He frantically tries to accommodate not only Margaret, but everyone else involved in her final waking days and hours. He wants to make certain that all her wishes are fulfilled, so she can die in peace, die in the dignified manner she wants. She has orchestrated the finale, and he is making it a reality.
He takes care of everyone, at his own expense, so Margaret can die in peace, knowing she said her goodbyes to all the necessary individuals. We feel the urgency within him to try to find pieces of time, in between it all, to speak with her and let her know how much he loves her. The devastation surrounds Enrique’s very core, and his grief is overwhelming. It is heartbreaking, and to say it is poignant is to diminish the story line. Yglesias is extremely graphic in his writing, and although I wanted to put the book down to rest a bit, I couldn’t do it. I had to read it straight through, as it is so very compelling.
I can’t imagine what Yglesias‘ wife, Margaret, went through. I can’t even begin to imagine what Yglesias went through, during the years of struggle that led up to Margaret’s death. I lost my father when I was a teenager, and lost my mother in 2004. I am cognizant of every minute detail that is involved in caring for a parent. But, caring for a spouse takes on a different dimension, takes on unique strength and emotions.
All that and more is explored in A Happy Marriage. Yglesias takes us through the daily struggles of hospice care, the physical, mental and emotional aspects of each moment. Illness is not only an issue for the patient, the one who is ill, but it is a family issue in every sense of the word. Not only was Enrique caring for his wife, but also caring and trying to comfort his sons, and everyone else around him. The novel is an excellent study on family dynamics during the course of incurable illness. It is a study on marriage, love and its endurance, during an age when it takes little for marriages to fall apart.
A Happy Marriage is not only a story of love, but one of loss and family dynamics during the most difficult of times that a family can endure. It is a novel written masterfully, with insight, determination and dedication. Rafael Yglesias is brilliant in telling the story of Enrique and Margaret. Their story is his story, and he tells it with deep respect, grace, forthrightness, and with everlasting love. A Happy Marriage is a tribute to the love that Rafael Yglesias and Margaret shared, a way of honoring her memory, and her short-lived lifespan. It is an tribute to their marriage, their “happy marriage”. I highly recommend it to everyone.
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Wednesday August 5, 2009 – 15th of Av, 5769
